


I Don’t Know You (But God Do I Want To)

by MegumiKoi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phichit is a little shit, Sassy Yuuri is Best Yuuri, Yuuri's POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 19:27:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9508997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegumiKoi/pseuds/MegumiKoi
Summary: “How can you love someone you’ve never met?”I would have openly scoffed at this question until I realised - “How can you live so close to someone for so long and have never even met?!”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Going through my backlog and writing up all of the shit I have been meaning to post for years.  
> This chapter was originally posted by myself almost six years ago to another fandom, but it never took off, so I decided to update and modify for Yuri!!! on Ice, and hence we are here now.  
> Basically, everyone is being a little shit in this chapter - but SASSYYUURI IS BESTYUURI!

“So what? You’re suggesting that I get a roommate?” I looked sarcastically at my best friend who just nodded his head, smiling that stupid toothy smile of his.

“Yes!”

"How about no - like I said the other fifty times!”

“But Yuuri - “

“No, you do not get to call me that! You have lost all privileges! It is Mr. Katsuki to you!”

“But Yuu - “

“Didn’t you get the point the last forty-nine times I tried to pound it into your head that I do not need a new roommate just because you moved out and into a shared apartment with your boyfriend - whom I still don’t like for disorganizing my Viktor Nikiforov collection!” I yelled, brandishing fists.

Phichit sighed.

“Yuuri, you aren’t coping in this place by yourself. You work until late and then when you get home you only have the energy to order take-away Katsudon from the place down the road, and then maybe shower if you remember. This place looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since I left!”

I was not going to tell him that he was right. Mainly because he wasn;t. I last cleaned three days after he left.

“You are also still in your pajamas, reading through old emails and not answering phonecalls. Call it me being paranoid, but you need to get a roommate Yuuri!”

“I told you not to call me that!” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

Quite honestly, I was sick of this argument that my ex-roommate and I had on an almost daily basis. He missed one day because his boyfriend had to go for a checkup.

“Yuuri, that is it! I am bringing in Yuuko! I cannot handle you like this!” Phichit held up his phone threateningly. I shuddered.

Not because I was afraid of Yuuko; certainly not! Who could be afraid of such a charming girl? But in all serious, she could be downright terrifying if she wanted to be, which meant that I would bent to Phichit’s will faster than one could say “Viktor Nikiforov” - which takes quite some time to actually say outloud given its tongue-twister like quality, meaning that I could probably hold my own for about five seconds before being completely overcome by the terrible force that was Yuuko.

“Yeah, Yuuko, he’s not listening to reason. Can you come over?” I tried using my pouty-puppy-face at Phichit but he was too absorbed in bitching about me over the phone to look in my direction.

He hung up the phone and looked at me nonchalantly.

“How long have I got to hide?”

“About three seconds,” Phichit threw his phone onto the couch before taking a sip from his chai latte.

“Hello Yuuri!” came Yuuko’s cheery voice from my doorway. Sadly the glare in her eyes did not match her happy tone.

~~~

“So why don’t you want a roommate, Yuuri?” Yuuko asked in that un-patronizing, patronizing way she must have learnt from her mother.

“Another person to look after,” I shrugged, hoping she’d get off my case.

Then I remembered that she was a trained psychologist. She was never going to leave me alone.

“What if the other person was completely self dependent?”

“It’d be weird having another person around - “

“You were fine with Phichit being around” Yuuko deadpanned.

“If your definition of ‘fine’ includes being mentally scarred for life by his porn addiction, than sure, I’m perfectly fine”

“Seriously Yuuri,”

“I was being serious.”

“Cut the attitude, bitch!” O.M.G Yuuki raised her voice at moi. I think I should mentally take a picture of this momentous occasion. I, Yuuri Katsuki, single-handedly, managed to make the psychologist, Yuuko Nishigori, break her usually angry-calm exterior!

“... Fine...” I mumbled

“How about I screen for a roommate for you? That way I could find someone that you could get along with even in... unconventional circumstances?”

“How about no?”

“Attitude.”

“Aish, sure, whatever Yuuko! Go crazy! Doesn’t mean I actually have to let this person into my home!”

“I’ll help you clean!” Phichit smiled mockingly from his place at the kitchen table, where was no-doubtedly checking his instagram for the millionth time that day. I glared him down.

Honestly, if glares could kill, Phichit would be the deadest man alive. Um, dead... You know what I mean!

“It’s all settled then!” It is seriously scary how happy Yuuko gets when the words ‘help’ and ‘clean’ are put in the same sentence.

I am actually starting to become very concerned for my new hypothetical, non-conventional roommate that I may or may not be receiving anytime soon.

~~~

I was having lunch a few days later with a former instructor, Minako, and my sister Mari, when I received an overly excited phonecall from Yuuko.

She was squealing when I answered.

“Geez, not like I required ear drums for my job or anything,” I chastised, but it was all more-or-less ignored, as Yuuko started nattering away at hyperspeed.

“Say that again in a language I can understand?” I asked. Yuuko huffed over the receiver.

“I have found you the most perfect roommate!”

“... Lemme guess, it’s a girl?”

“Nope, he is definitely 100% man”

“... Then he must work on the other side of the world for extended periods of time?”

“Not necessarily, but the hours he keeps are almost good enough!”

“What do you mean, Yuuko?”

“You know how you work from early morning to evening? Well his schedule has him working the opposite, when you’d be at home sleeping! Basically, you’d each have the house to yourselves for half a day each! And you may never even have to cross paths!”

“... I am so excited I could just throw up...”

“He works in a similar industry as you!”

“... Amazing. More in common to talk about. I can see our first conversation now, ‘So, how do you tune your instrument to nail a B flat minor chord?’. I will be awe inspiring!”

“Seriously Yuuri, lighten up! I’m sure you’ll like this guy if you ever actually see him!” Then, she hung up on me.

Can’t say I was surprised. Actually I was overjoyed, before I saw the looks from the other two at the table.

“What’s up?” Minako asked, eyebrows raised and ready to attack.

“Yuuko just found me a roommate...”

“Oh, ‘bout time! We were getting worried. This is a good thing,” Mari chuckled off to the side.

“Are you freaking kidding me, you two? This is a bad thing, Mari, very bad!”

“.. Do you even know the guys name?” Minako pushed.

I opened my mouth to respond. Then I closed it again. Dammnit! Yuuko didn’t even tell me who the hell was moving in to my house!

“Didn’t think so,” Minako chuckled darkly, offering up a smug smile. I groaned inwardly.

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, Yuuri. This could be a good experience,” Mari laughed, watching my obvious discomfort.

Why are my friends and family such assholes?

“You sound like Yuuko!” I cried out, bringing my hands to the table.

“That only means she is right!”

“Is the entire world against me!?”

“Yes,” Mari and Minako spoke in unison. I groaned before looking at my watch.

Noticing the time, I hastily began to pack my things. “I’d better get back to work. The boss will think you two kidnapped me again!”

Mari chuckled.

“That only happened once!” Minako huffed as I ran off back to world’s smallest cafe.


End file.
